Redefining Freedom

One of the first things Michael and I knew we had in common, was that we both detest nuts. If I remember correctly, he said that that was one reason why he had a crush on me. Wow, I really know how to please a guy.

When I was pregnant I started liking peanut butter for the first time in my life, and peanut butter toast, along with cereal, were the only things I really wanted to eat. Now, it appears that Aven is allergic to peanuts and almonds. Go figure. I found this out because I ate some almonds months ago and the baby broke out in an eczema rash head to toe. I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich a couple weeks later and wouldn't ya know it, a rash head to toe again.

This past week I was craving peanut butter so badly. I finally caved thinking, "Maybe she's not really allergic" (am I a horrible mom?), and yep, the poor baby has little red rashy spots all over her body. She must be so so sensitive to be affected through my breast milk.

Well, the doc says that it's possible her allergies will go away by the time she's 2 or 3. I hope so for her sake. It just seems so bazaar to me that she is that sensitive, when neither Michael or I have food allergies.

We had a nice and mellow weekend. I coached gymnastics yesterday morning for a couple hours and then came home, fed the baby and layed in the sun. It was a beautiful 60 + degrees. Today we had some friends over for coffee with their 6 and 3 year old little girl and boy, then we hiked the Spruce Mountain Trail for as long as the kiddos would tolerate it. Aven road on her daddy in the Baby Bjorn.

The trail wraps around the east side of the Groom Creek boulders where I have spent so much of my life in Prescott climbing; and it was HARD to see and not touch today. My palms got sweaty and I was nostalgic. Groom Creek is a special and spiritual spot for me. I have spent many nights asleep on one of the boulders up there, and in my van in the pull-out. I have spent days and days and days playing on those rocks, working problems, chalky and sweaty in the Arizona sun.

My life as a mommy has been largely about me redefining who I am as a climber. "Redefining freedom" is a phrase that has been going through my head a lot lately. I am content, but honestly, I spend some time daydreaming about the time when I will be able to go on awesome climbing excursions. I have a lot of unfinished business with climbing and I get scared that it will be left that way. After all, climbing was my first love.

And then I'm pulled back to reality by Aven's jibber-jabber and laughter, and Michael's kisses. And I am happy and grateful for this amazing family of mine-dynamic and delightful and totally fulfilling. I just hope that I'm redefining my freedom with elegance.